i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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