I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
