I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You smell like stripper and shame
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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