omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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