garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she smelled like a LAN party
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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