also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
