he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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