1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
