You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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