Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
They are going to name an STD after you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
