and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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