Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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