I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
