they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I die, sorry about rent.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
