you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
