yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
