If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
