Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
