Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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