you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
