I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
