we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
