So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
