he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
