Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
