i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
