i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
