Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Where did you get a picture of my penis
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
