No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
