let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
