He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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