I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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