dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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