fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
