I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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