he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
