I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
