Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
