Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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