I need help removing her.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
