True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
