yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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