A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
