There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And then my night got REAL pukey
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
