"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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