you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
