I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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