So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
