I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
