Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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